Seeds for a happy planet

We are in this cosy time after dinner, dishes are done, everybody gathers around the fire place (stove). One more guest – participant arrived just before dinner (Ravi) and two more are on their way, driving through the night (Judith and Lieven).

I had a wonderful day, for me like summer. Most of the people here went to Volos today, the nearby city – one and a half hour drive – to buy a lot of food and stuff, and to receive and send emails. Three of us stayed here; and I worked in the little garden – weeding – and clearing some more space from the brambles to have more place to sew and plant the vegetables. In the afternoon we went with Maria and Sarah’s Greek friend to a place to press the olives. Amasing when you never saw it. We had this time more than 1000 kg of olives; and we came home with 220 liters of olive oil; very nice, clear, green olive oil. Of course it is a totally organic oil, and the guy from the press – who analysed it – was really impressed by the high quality it had.

So we had something to toast on! Grilled bread dipped – better say soaked – in the fresh oil, together with some locally brewed … (like Ouzo) as the starter for dinner. The Greek way of living, eating at the big table outside, lots of talking, toasting, some wine; funny if I realize it is November,..

Last part of the evening we looked into the design of our first half day tomorrow. Simple and elegant, diving deeper into the stories which led to this gathering. Asking ourselves what does it mean ‘to grow legs’ for our network of Art of Hosting practitioners? And then there is this funny, amasing, wonderful thing called emergence… How come four people of the original hosting team, and two of the participants couldn’t make it? And why did others showed up, even when it looked different than what was the original plan?

Are we growing legs for emergence?

We came to our last morning on Monday. Everybody was still full of the many learnings the constellation had brought. The dialogue started from there. It is so rich (and long), but I wouldn’t know what to leave out…

* Perceval had to re-trace his steps. In retracing your experience you consciously understand. The healing of the wounded king is when we ask the question “Whom does the Grail serve?” This is about alignment. Our task is to stay connected in the epiphany to that alignment and then right action comes out of that.

* If we look back on these two days – what did we do, what made it happen? Reflecting back and making it available to the collective is important. It is not about us only, it’s about laying these cosmic grooves to make it accessible to all.

* In the meditation this morning I realized how being in this circle calls me to be no more and no less than fully present. “It is not up to me” meaning: I don’t have to do this by myself, I’m part of the collective’, and “it is totally up to me” meaning: when I’m not present (and coming from story), the full resonance potential of the group doesn’t manifest. The image of the crystal singing bowl is helpful here – where every point on the circumference of the circle is in harmony, (i.e. it isn’t a loose, floppy circle). The emptiness of the bowl reminds me of Source, of unmanifest potential, and when invited by the striker, sound comes forth.

* There is something about this circle that doesn’t trigger the ego in the usual way. I can be here in a way I don’t usually experience myself… still reeling from the implications of being Source. No ‘me-ness’, only ‘Is-ness’, there’s nothing foreign, not lost everything by not being me. It is a complete paradox that I would relinquish me and receive so much more. Like dropping my clothes, and everything is off me. Yet my place in the world is not less, and my place is vast. There’s no gravity to bring you off the top of the cliff. The thing I’ve looked for I already am, and so are you.

The alignment is a natural evolution, it is a natural expression into action. The ground of Being is raw impetus, highly energized impetus – into form. How do I experience/express myself if I can’t be you and everything?

Dropping of the boundaries of self because there’s a tangible resting point that’s everywhere, the anchor is in the in-between.

To leave here and have something sustainable is the meat of it – it doesn’t give itself to us if we don’t open up to it. We are unlimited possibility.

What we ask for is what’s given – no more and no less. Until we come to accept the vastness that we are, the more we limit the possibility of anything being possible.

There’s a relationship between the question and my willingness to hold a selfless self, without a ‘me’ to gain. Me being willing to be me in the presence of Source is to let it flow through – a new balance is needed.

* How to bring the Empress (from the Tarot) forth – the feminine, creative, loving? Being the Empress is accessing Source. Is the bowl, is the CircleBeing, accessing, opening to Source?

* There’s a formless quality to this gathering, which has no words to describe it – fullness of the silence, the experience of the spaciousness. Not so much asking the question, but I will leave here being (in) the question: Who is it in us that wants to take form, meaning – is it the ‘She’ coming from the formless place?

* “How can I continue to live the question of working with community and diversity?” How can we transcend the I to the WE, the SHE? How to deepen the understanding of the WE? I had a real experience of transcending the me/I this weekend. I transcended it to ‘We’, that might be Source.

The ‘We’ is the pathway into Source.

* The huge awakening (for her representing Collective Knowing) is that the world wanted me – is inviting me – at some level there’s a readiness, an invitation, a birthing.

So those of us who can sit in circle like this can move into this rarefied space. We’re creating grooves, for something to move forward in a new way, and we can consciously align.

I see the collective ‘We’ as the pathway – the next stage of development in human consciousness – to move out of the ‘I’ into the ‘We’.

This connection to the world is so important. We come to this kind of space and struggle to know how to re-enter. A piece of it is togetherness, collaboration – I’ve always tried to do everything alone – why? True collective leadership is about finding your collective – no attachment to my piece, but also owning my gifts in giving them freely. We’re still learning how to be in alignment with Self/Source and other, so we won’t always do it perfectly. There’s something about the feminine that can work with the subtle, creative impulse, that force coming through, and begin to create those pathways in the manifest world.

* Source wants to move, so have no anxiety to manifest the new, it will come through. Source is robust – it’s our human understanding that is fragile! What is unique about you – you will form Source into uniqueness. It’s not a weak supply! The more our ‘Yes’ is there, the more it’s available. There’s deep and profound meaning in the movement itself – inherent in the very movement is the meaning.

* There seems to be a book with the title: “Things are going great in your absence” (absence of our ego – it’s all about getting out of our way)

* ‘The tone of being magnified’ – it penetrates through everything – the vibration is the healing and the action.

* How can we hold the space as we leave, without going into our distraction?

* I acknowledge the multiple modalities of access we’ve had here this weekend – art, movement, poetry, constellation, sharing etc. – very non-linear, whatever is the next thing that emerges – a feminine way of being. The underlying order is always present and we pop up like mushrooms.

Like in the first Women Moving the Edge gathering, on the evening of the third day it felt time and the right thing to do a systemic constellation. In the previous days different participants had talked about their experiences with it, and the ones who didn’t know were curious about it.

We identified our question as: What is coming through us now?

As facilitator of the constellation I decided to let people choose for themselves which element was relevant within this question, which they would then represent. Two felt tired and started as observers, while lying on the sofa. Later they were asked to be representatives too: one as the Real World and one as Joy-Playfulness.

In silence the representatives set themselves up: Collective Knowing, Moving the Edge, One (later named as Source), Power, Being, and the Unmanifest.

In the beginning Moving the Edge stood apart, facing away from all the rest, looking outside ‘to do’ something, later…
I didn’t feel a lot of real movement in the whole constellation, and everything was quite ‘up in the sky’ with all these abstract elements, that’s why I chose to ask one of the observers to be representative for the Real World. This was attractive to Collective Knowing.
As a facilitator, I sensed a lot of seriousness in this constellation, there was no fun or joy. So I decided to bring in Joy, who immediately started to jump around and do little dances here and there. Everyone got a smile on their face. This was much better!
As we were all totally involved in this powerful experience, below you find our reflections afterwards.

Being: As Being I felt the underlying support. I had no need to do anything, just to exist; to remain constant. Manifestation would take care of itself. The power that comes out of Being, the power of love was a good addition. I felt very intimate with Power. (Being and Power stood back to back in the constellation for a long time)

Power: When I leaned against Being, my backache went away. Then it felt as if she was pushing.

Being: I liked the closeness.

Unmanifest: I felt like an impersonal presence that had an opening (between other representatives), but somehow the conditions were not there to move forward. Then when I moved to the manifest, yes, I need the manifest. The pathway is there, but I can’t move; there is no movement yet. The conditions were not right to move. When we were shaken up by Joy, it was a shaking. I was an impersonal energy. “It doesn’t matter!” came from that unmanifest plane. It did feel lighter. At the end, feeling with One and Being (standing with the three of them next to each other), it felt very strong. I could stay there; I was gathering strength. What happened in front of us became irrelevant.
Power: I felt very good with the three of you behind me, the truth was of connection and satisfaction as I looked at the scenario in front of me (Collective Knowing was invited by Real World to be next to her). It felt better when I come closer to The Edge. I felt more connected with what was behind me. I was beginning to feel to sit at the foot of the Real World.

The One: As the One the first experience was a vast, impersonal condition. I realized there was nothing separated. I also noticed that I am real, the veil of the unmanifest. I engage only when I was summoned, I was so vast and full. Not one time did anyone turn to me and use it (this vast resource)!I rose up in the presence of being. There was a symmetry: The Being, the One and the Unmanifest, they were common. The only way of moving was by invitation, but nobody engaged us. Don’t you understand that something is here for you!!! I can’t join the world; it wouldn’t be weak, it couldn’t be … I wanted you to know that.. the veil of the unmanifest would be pierced and form would happen.

Edge: I was realizing what you spoke – just now – Moving the Edge needs to turn inwards to Source first! I was facing out in the constellation instead of in! I remember feeling very isolated in the beginning, and later connected with the Real World; it felt more connected but still not fully connected, not connected back here, and so not connected to the world.

Joy: I gave myself a role as Resting before. It was part of the whole: out of Resting came Play! It seemed to me that the sense of loneliness began to shift when the Playfulness came in. It brought everybody together, there was giggling in the back, a sense of connectedness that eased it all, when I came in.

Collective Knowing: There were multiple things going on for me. Immediately I felt I wanted to be connected with everything. I wasn’t sure how to make that happen. I was the way through for Source. What was really an awakening was that the world wanted me next to her! Maybe Collective Knowing is closer to the world than I imagined. Maybe it is closer than we know. Maybe it is just that close. It was as if I had a baby in my arms. Yet there had to be a stepping back from the World to still be in a place to work with the other elements. The playfulness is so important!!! All the pieces are important! They were so close, Collective Knowing is so close to moving from the unmanifest to the manifest.

Real World: Collective Knowing was the portal. I still don’t get ‘that’ (One, Being and Unmanifest in the back). If you (Collective Knowing) come closer then maybe I can get ‘that’. With Collective Knowing close there was at least a glimpse. Felt really hard, it didn’t flow… we still don’t know what this is all about. It still spoke about the challenge we are in. An ease not at all concerned with the world; a groove happening …

Power: Remembering a sequence: Moving the Edge was looking away (in the beginning) and then looking at me and then moving back; later facing back again… the three goddesses behind me (One, Being, Unmanifest). I was on the ground, and I moved forward… a progression of relationship between those elements that became more coherent in relation to the world; it was not complete…

Being: I remember when you (Power) turned toward Being …

Oneness: about devouring… what came to me was that I am equally between manifest and unmanifest. It doesn’t have … new things can arise … it doesn’t give me a chance that… I had a real relationship with unmanifest. It stood before me. No one knows the vastness of what is available and it is ultimately knowable. In an impersonal way; the desire to be pulled into possibilities. Everything that could be is there. If one had the faith to look beyond the unmanifest; I am here, I am there, I am available, I am present. A very different relationship to Source and the Unmanifest. Ultimately not being given full viability. You are of it, it is of you, and we are not other than…

Power: We are all aspects of the One.

One: I held the belief that there was a separation, it was an illusion…

Joy: Maybe for me the place where I got stuck was almost that the Oneness or Source is so fluid… you are nowhere and everywhere at one time. It didn’t feel right to be in one position. Maybe also for the Unmanifest… Collective Knowing found the right place, but the One and Unmanifest needed to be all over the place, instead of behind (where they ended up in the end) or at the side, that could have made it more coherent.

Collective Knowing: What I saw at a certain point: Playfulness brought in a sense of lightness. And that brought a clarity of seeing and knowing that was not there before. We can see more clearly when there is fun around.

The One: Just ask!! It refers to the Biblical mandate: Ask and it shall be given. The power of the invocation; the known laws of the universe…
When did we forget to ask? Perceval (in the legend of King Arthur) doesn’t ask the question, because he wants to be polite. The question was: Whom does the Grail serve? It took him 5 years to find it out he needed to simply ask the question.

One: I had the experience of transcending your personal identity, it had the appearance of arrogance, unquestioned knowing, no ambivalence… contraindication in the feminine model… it still pushed the limits of what I could speak… it had no … it knew self so well, there was only the Is-ness. There was no such thing as unclear, or pause, … If you want to take that position… a very interesting place to explore. You can’t stop anything!

Being: I had the ongoing question: Why isn’t the One with me? I was not in the place of the all powerful aspect. I see now I have been equating Being with Source, but I was the consciousness aspect. As Being I saw myself first as unmanifest, but it changed to a more manifest Being, the inbetween space, between Source and manifestation. After this shift, I felt the different role… my back did stop hurting…. I am still not clear… There was more an idea in the beginning; it came out differently.

Edge: I am sitting here with a thought “I let the side down”. If I take off that edge of what stopped me asking. What struck me the most is what One said now. The grail serves the grail king; the source… it is like a turn around in my head, in my knowing I know the truth. I let down by not asking, into the real world… I can’t disentangle myself form the role. How much is me? How much is the role? Still the question is: One was waiting to be invited. I only realize now that I was looking outwards, instead of looking in, we don’t do this asking! In the hot tub this morning… the sun before us, and there is the moon… at the back. How to have it both at the same time? I started off in the constellation to look outwards, even when I looked inwards, if I am not viable that is OK to abdicating the power. I am the power by asking.

Power: I felt met, I felt resignation, to move the edge is going to be really difficult and sort of squeezing of something, but I will do it sort of thing. But if everything is One or Being, then moving the edge isn’t difficult. Power is simply alignment; that is what it is.

Being: you were rebuffed by Power… the rebuff of power seemed to have an impact on the situation.

Unmanifest: These are representations, it is a holographic picture. It is a representation of everybody here. Let the roles come back into the center or shake them off…

Being: It was perfect. You are not responsible for the role you stood in; for all of us.

After these powerful images of the feminine force I was wondering: If we’re giving birth here to ‘something’, what/where was the conception? Or what is the driving force that made us come here?
This led to the question by one of the participants about our intention for this gathering.

It wasn’t easy for me to give words to what I saw as the answer.

“I hold in my body the space of the unmanifest potential… I recognized the first evening that I needed to go to deeper levels in myself in order to hold more, to create a deeper container, in order to let others in this container manifest themselves or something.

I know deep inside me that some people have to give birth to the new ‘we’ space while being a totally autonomous individual, centered in themselves but in service of the circle or the collective space.

The questions of our time can only be held by circles – it’s the only way to navigate the complexity because no mental thinking will be enough; and innovative answers will come out of it. It seems to me that women are better wired to do this. If we know something that can change the world, then it’s us that need to bring it out; from the unmanifest to the manifest – without rushing, but there is an urgency.

I can see we are making new grooves in the collective consciousness. If we go there, to this collective We-space, it will be easier for others to go there too.”

Judy added: “It was born out of some kind of deep collaborative inner knowing, and I feel both urgency and responsibility to bring the collective form into being as it’s emerging now. It’s needed now – the feminine way of leadership, and it’s so important – we can only discover it together. Every time we come together in this way, we are creating new grooves in consciousness – and then it’s easier for others.”

Les agreed that it is ‘authentic embodiment’ that is at the root of why this circle is working.

Like in the first Women Moving the Edge by lunchtime it was time for us, facilitators, to lean back and give the leadership to the whole group. Meantime it was pouring rain outside, so much so that we couldn’t even see the trees on the other side of the grass field.

And what did we do? If I would give a bullet list of all the different activities you could never understand the depth of what happened. We had some silence, there was conversation, we did a presencing-movement exercise; we danced ‘the Temple dance’; we sat in circle again. There was the sound of the big crystal bowl, we made sound and music together…

But I can’t hardly describe what happened in us and in between us. First it was named as a not-knowing, and later also as a not-talking… but then, what is it?
We seem to listen, to tune into, to sense…
into what?
the delicate, the subtle, the fine, the intangible…

It seems to be possible to access – in our bodies – the unformed, the unmanifest…
the sound of silence…

silence…

collective silence…

suddenly it was there:

a connected silence;

a tangible in-between space;

a sacred space;

a space full of possibilities;

a generative space…

Grace had arrived! The We is pregnant!
And you know what? Rain stopped, the mist was gone, we could see again the trees and the whole environment!

The magic here continued. When we got up this morning there was fog all around. The hills on the other side of the valley were not visible anymore. The simple question of What is present now? brought a very rich conversation around the theme of What is feminine power?

The metaphor of the mycelium, what we normally think of as the roots of the mushrooms, is actually the plant in itself and the mushrooms are its ‘flowers’. In my drawing of our conversation I noted a lot of the words that make up our mycelium: gentleness, safety, holding, enlivening, equality, talking stone, the earth, the collective… Stories about shame, fear, rage and sadness… these personal stories who pop up from the collective, just like the mushrooms…

The conversation shifted to: purpose, power, presence. What does it mean to stand in my feminine power, and not to retreat or not to attack? What is feminine power? Is ‘feminine warriorship’ the right word? Can we let go of the old women’s story? Are we present in and to ourselves, or are we ‘over there’… From where do we engage with the others or the world?

Sooooo rich!!! The words here can hardly convey the energy, the presence, the learning, the laughter and so much more! Time to have a break and eat some wonderful nuts.

Judy and I both felt that this were enough words. We invited Eve-Marie to guide us in an experiment with drawing, using colors. That was basically it: use colors and let them take over, drop your mind and your judgments, come to the still point in your body, just go with the colors and the movement they evoke. “It is just paper.” “What would a four year old do now?” These were some of the questions that seduced us to a no-mind space, the space of creativity. I loved to come to this point where it was just the fun of let my hand move with the colors. Being present with the colors. Good stuff to come to an open mind!

In the sharing there was someone who recalled to invitation at the beginning of the drawing exercise to drop yourself into the still-point within… this still point is so full of freedom; it carries all potential! My sense is that it has to do a lot with the power of women…

Judy and I arrived today at noon at Angels Rest; a beautiful place with a beautiful name. You can feel, sense and see the care that has been used to create this place. We have our gathering in a huge space, which was probably a barn in former years. There is a very big window facing south-east with a splendid view.

I was amased by the richness and the depth of what was said in our first circle. The introduction was really minimal: half hour of movement and dance to become present in our bodies; followed by a welcome word and a little introduction into the gathering and about circle practice.

In this first afternoon we also shared the questions we all brought to the circle. Here they are as an example of the richness of the field that was gathered:

How can we deepen our sense of collectivity and honor difference?

How do we hang out in messiness and let it be OK?

What is the omnicentric leadership? How can we do that?

How can we be with wholeness, let go of control?

How can we be consciously in the world with the future emerging through us?

How can we let life happen and not be in the way?

What are the deep assumptions that we hold about ownership?

What is feminine warriorship?

How can we integrate the life enriching energies that lie in both ownership/entrepreneurial ventures and community initiatives?
Such a richness, competence and passion is gathered here!

Do we really see that? Are we conscious about what this could create? I truly doubt it… but I trust life and I fully trust the process. I think some magic will happen.

Part of the magic are three crystal bowls, brought by different participants, which make the most amazing, resonant sounds… I wish you could hear them…

All photos here.

Yesterday I started on a walking path to find water and I ended up with my left foot – and my left shoe! – in the black mud. I was not able to follow the path, unless I was willing to offer my right shoe too. So no ideal place to sit quietly and to contemplate…

Today I left in the morning for the forest, and look where I am now! I followed the sign ‘Udsight’ (in Dutch: uitzicht; in English: viewpoint) and I am sitting now on a nice little plateau just above the water.

The strong wind makes endless tiny waves who bump into it and make this calming sound, as if I’m sitting in a rowboat. As far as I can see the waterfront is grown with the tall ‘water-grass’: bowing to the wind and also to the water, still standing tall.

Can I connect with the life-force in this amazing plant? Can I be with this ‘unfolding movement’ as I read yesterday?

Is this what touches us in nature, the pure life-force? Unconditional – pure – still – and yet full of life!? That what makes us at ease in nature, that what makes us silent inside, that what sets our wonderment into motion again?
How to BE this life-force and – in the same moment – be aware of it?
Not separated, not: I’m here and nature is over there, but being one, being whole with it?
How to be HUMAN in nature, in this world?

Just for dinner, on the second day, this clear message came through one of us. It made us all silent and we all knew the words were true. We offer it as a gift to others and hope you treat it with the same respect as we did.

“Be aware that what we do here is important. The new groove of consciousness is a collective one. Be aware that this is very important for the world. Although you might not know where it leads you, please follow the track. Stay tuned with your bodies, or your senses and your womb. It is a sensing organ because there is space, emptiness to receive. This is what makes you special as women, not in a way special as better. But special as this certain capacity that is needed in this being, this living organism.

(more…)