Since Moving the Edge in March 2006, David Reis and my self, had regular Skype conversations. They were always deep inspiring and gave us both an energising feeling. Today again, before the call, we wondered what we were going to talk about… this is what happened:
Silence – silence – silence …
Ria: Working yesterday on Women Moving the Edge. Reading Andrew Cohen’s “liberation without a face”. He says: Real enlightenment means: gender doesn’t matter any more. Thinking of our idea last time of doing a Couples workshop. What does Andrew’s concept mean in daily life? It is a big jump from daily life.
David: It’ true; it is a big jump. Only a few will make the jump. I wonder if Andrew is in the masculine perspective of enlightenment. The spiritual teacher of my wife is very aware of men and women’s difference. He and his partner, a remarkable woman, they have been exploring this a lot. I wonder if Andrew is right. Anyway: there need to be some bridges and we need to meet where people are.
* Last gathering in my spiritual community went very well. Description of the context we are in: different than before. Organization changed, the leadership changed; my position is changed and will finish in Sept. The rise of the feminine was mentioned in the previous years, but now was the first time that we really looked at it. Before, it was ignored.
* Creation works on the principle of sexuality. When we looked at it: the feminine can only show up when there is a safe place. Gender is not the main issue here. The masculine is the embodiment of love: designed to create a safe space for the feminine; that’s the partnership. It allows forms of live to appear. In the Tao: first the one, then the two; then you have the three; then the ten thousand things. The feminine and the masculine are both part of the One. Each dynamic carries a different quality, aspect of the One.
The feminine and the masculine are expressions of the One; all other forms are then the three.
* In the gathering: it was liberating for the women; also for the men: getting rid of the mistrust! Now: space for the trust. In one of the groups, equally balanced by gender, many times different women would bring forth a strong intuition – like needing more art. Once I acknowledged the strong emotion in it. Then she talked about the importance of drawing, collages, dance, and music: that what cannot be said through words.
One of my women friends says: Talking is a masculine activity.
The fear is that the feminine will become dominant; which is not true. The feminine need to arise, because the conditions are right for it now. Right now the context is not safe for the feminine. The true masculine need to become forward; instead of the shadow of the masculine.
You said: “The feminine cannot come forward if it is not safe.” I’m wondering: If I am really centered in myself, do I need the men/masculine to hold the space?
You need to have the masculine in yourself. The nature of the masculine is to create space, to create borders; to set the quality. Something glimpses here…. the field in which the masculine can be present is in the womb of the world… difficult to talk about… the feminine is also there… a perspective of 100% masculine and 100% feminine… as a gliding scale… nothing is totally 100% … they overlap always… we all have both… if the masculine and the feminine is in the One, then everybody has both in them! That is why the man can create a context, like a womb! Looking at the dynamic of thinking, women were designed to … to inseminate men with a seed of thought. They are catalysing a topic or a tread of thinking, for further insemination. In plants, in weed seed, masculine… and feminine…
One of the basic ideas from Macro-biotics is: If the form is feminine, the core is masculine energy; and vice versa. It is in everything. When the form comes as masculine, the content is feminine. Best words here: Form and energy (not content).
In the thinking of our group: we talk about a unified body of people. Humanity is designed to be the Body of Love. Body=feminine, Love= masculine.
Masculine and feminine is in every holon. Humanity, as being receptive to Love/Life, is feminine.
* In the gathering the women were visibly relaxed. They said: “We were able to bring the Earth in.”; which never happened before. Before it was all about Spirit; and frustrating the natural flow.
* Basic is: Honor the process of emergence. It opens up different ways that women and men can show up in the gathering. One man talked about a ‘spiritual oasis’; that the group can be like that. Not an organizational function, but embodying the Truth of Love. Being an oasis in the desert of the culture. Giving room for emergence instead of designing the focus beforehand. The role of Leadership changes: it is acknowledging what is emerging: what is emerging in form and what is emerging in spirit. What are the essences that are crossing over … for that to happen everybody is responsible for spirit, for listening for what is in the middle. That’s the key: everybody is responsible for doing that! Everybody is a leader! It shifts from leader-follower, to all leaders following the movement in spirit.
I like to call this Collective leadership.
In our group the son of the initiator started the collect. Leadership, but shadow elements came out.
What I hear is that your group becomes adult now. When the initiator starts a movement like that, all the other ones start as being a child, regarding this spiritual focus of course. Then everyone in the movement has to grow up. In the teen-age years, fights start. You can see the development in a many-years-perspective.
As that happens (the movement becomes adult), the old form passes away. When maturity happens, new patterns of relationships happen. It shifts into trust and each one will embody what is theirs to do. Then the role of leadership also changes: from giving direction and instruction to coordination.
Not just coordination. It is about holding the field … and more… It’s not giving directions or directives, but somehow holding direction; becoming more mature maybe. It is like when you raise your children. When they are 6 or 8 you give directives. When they are 16 or 18 you hold direction.
Yes, I actively look for direction! Looking into what is in the midst; and what people are saying. Then looking for the connection and speaking it as it develops.
Maybe we are growing mature as human beings, instead of quarrelling all over the place.
* Back to Women Moving the Edge. Our conversation confirms what I have been holding. What you spoke about the woman speaking about art, music, etc. In MtE in March, I was holding that perspective. Somehow it got some form – through one of the women participants, but not enough.
* The other point: for women to step out into the world with real feminine qualities, they need to master their masculine qualities also. Like knowing their boundaries, where to do it and where not to do it. Being able to create their own safe space. In a way: being in control of yourself of your own re-actions: as compared to being controlling. Able to MASTER your reactions, able to withhold reactions that go into fights. If you see it comes to fight, you just drop the line of conversation. And not being hurt by it! Many times when you go with the feminine quality in the world, many don’t see it, laugh or fight with it. However, you can outgrow being hurt by that.
It takes the women out of the role of the victim; and of the perpetrator!
If the women come out like this, the men have to relate differently. The men, who are less mature and are still treating women in these shadow ways, will have to come to terms with women who don’t fight. Surprising! Women in developing this masculine side, they don’t develop the shadow masculine side; which we see so much in business context.
David Deida says that the masculine at the core is: holding consciousness and presence; the feminine at the core is embodying love.
We were both surprised and energized by this beautiful and inspiring dialogue! I hope you enjoy it too!
To take the notion of ecosystem as the main identification means I drop more and more any attachment to form; or maybe better to say: any attachment to stable form. What I am seeking for these days is dynamic balance. There is nothing linear in that, but it is an always moving in many directions and levels.
It makes me return to gardening: learn to make good compost to nurture your soil; observe what happens anyway and build on that. Gardening is kind of simple when you work in synergy with nature. The really complex processes are done by nature itself, we can only improve the conditions where these processes can thrive and where they have enough resilience to respond to different circumstances. It seems to me that a lot of our planning in linear time (chronos) makes things complicated and build up a lot of stress. It is weird to say maybe, but there is simplicity in trusting synchronicity, trusting the experienced timing (kairos), trusting the mystery of life itself.
