Seeds for a happy planet

Weird. I’m on my way to the next Women Moving the Edge gathering, and I still have to finish my blog posts from the previous one, which was just a few weeks away. So here is the description of how the constellation unfolded that we did on the third day. It is followed by a report of what we all understood from it afterwards. It is really amazing stuff!!!

Players in the constellation were Stillness, Trees, the Immanent World Source, Humanity and Juice/Lifeforce. As the facilitator of this constellation I didn’t point out which elements should be represented. I left it to the participants to choose for themselves what was calling to them and when they would take their place, wherever they felt it was.

In the beginning, there was Stillness… who walked into the space. She rose up on her toes, and started to wobble. Then the Tree moved in and stood behind Stillness, embracing her to ground and stabilise her. Soon they were joined by Immanent World Soul, who lay on the ground, face down at Stillness’s feet, holding her ankles to help keep her stable.

Meanwhile, in another part of the room, Juice started to jive, rocking back and forth like a dance rhythm or heartbeat – constant motion, constant motion. Humanity (not knowing herself yet as that) felt drawn to the movement, called to engage, moving closer, attention drawn inexorably towards the familiar energy of the life force. Humanity felt totally disconnected from Stillness and everything else in the room – just felt attracted to the Juice, and started to go with that, because it felt good.

In the Stillness-Trees-World Soul constellation, World Soul turned face up, reaching past Stillness and touching Tree. She turned because Stillness’s constant upward aspirations made her feel quite sick. When face up, the World Soul could begin to participate in life in a quite different way, and Stillness could look down at her, no longer feeling drawn upwards so strongly. Stillness then turned around to be in contact with Tree, which made her feel happy and light.

Juice and Humanity moved in closer to the others. They were clicking their fingers and jiving together. Juice wanted to get closer to the World Soul, came and stood at her feet, so they were facing each other. Humanity followed, because she wanted to stay close to Juice. The proximity of Juice made World Soul feel nauseous. Stillness wanted contact with Juice, but Juice just seemed to be doing its thing. It was at this stage that the constellation, together, determined the identify of Juice and Humanity. Humanity drew them both closer to World Soul – who recognised “the energy of Brazil”.

From the beginning, the relationship between Stillness and Life Force was ambivalent. Life Force: I want to tell her it’s OK to feel the impulse. When Stillness, seeking reciprocity, replied It’s OK to feel the stillness, Life Force replies It’s not my job, being unwilling to stop moving – and believing that in order to feel the stillness, she would have to stop – and that would kill her, she wouldn’t be herself any more.

The Tree spontaneously stepped out of the constellation and went and sat down.  This was a heart-breaking moment. The World Soul reacted (without having seen Trees leaving): Something has just died. Trees: I felt like I wasn’t needed any more. World Soul: Well you are needed – it was like some of the sap went out of the world.

When Juice and Humanity got closer to the World Soul, rocking around and being over-excited, World Soul retreated back to curl herself around the roots of the Tree – feeling more affinity with nature than with Life Force, which felt like it was ‘on a trip’. Humanity tried hard, to bring Stillness and Life Force together, but Life Force felt constricted and broke away. Stillness later noted that Humanity felt extremely hot already at this stage (man-made global warming?)

Humanity and Life Force were pulsing together in rhythm, very connected, but rather banging and jostling the others, particularly World Soul and the Tree, which knelt and crouched over World Soul. When asked to find her deepest longing, Humanity could find no answer. When asked if she felt well, she barely understood the question. Something’s happening – I don’t know if ‘well’ is the right word! Juice then started gesticulating, wanting the World Soul to come ‘up’, believing that Humanity was having a baby, and so wanting that to happen: I thought we were having contractions for a minute, over there (humanity) but it seems like labour has stopped. Humanity also felt like something was being birthed. But I couldn’t let go. The rest of the constellation felt like a monster was being born – like there was an orgy going on. With all the movement, knocking against the Trees and World Soul, the Trees crouched down over World Soul, It felt like hanging on for dear life – as if Humanity was going mad - and Stillness came and laid down at World Soul’s back, ‘creeping into her’. World Soul began crying in relief.

The facilitator encouraged Humanity to Find a place where you can rest. Keep following your body. Humanity then laid down – she literally put her head on top of the head of the World Soul (who wasn’t happy about that!). Humanity then lost consciousness – lying on the floor, face down, with her toes still flexed under her. With Humanity taking up less space, leaving the Trees and World Soul some space to recover, the Trees stood up, and Stillness moved away from the constellation and sat down on a chair to hold space.

Life Force then stated that she was holding the space and sensing that there was a possibility for something to happen, giving gentle urges for upward movement.  This activated the World Soul to turn over and connect with Humanity in an intentional way: The first thing Humanity is going to see when she comes around is me – Immanent World Soul. While humanity is still a bit groggy and feeling humble, World Soul is coming out of the closet, to make a BIG impression. World Soul started to arouse Humanity by blowing in her hair.

At the same time, Life Force was blowing the Tree. Stillness was trying to find a way to connect with Life Force, and it was Tree that offered a hand, so that Stillness and Life Force, who could not connect directly (because Life Force couldn’t stop moving), ended up being connected through Tree. When Stillness could finally touch Life Force, she understood that the intention was not to restrain her, just to have contact.

World Soul then awakened Humanity and the two stood up together, very slowly. Humanity needed time to rise, feeling the power of the magnetic connection with Immanent World Soul.

Post constellation insights

Humanity: I seem to be attracted to what felt good; not quite knowing what to do. Going into my body, I didn’t understand that question; I didn’t know what to do. At some point somebody told me not to hurt the trees; that was totally new information to me. Maybe humanity doesn’t get that yet, that it is hurting the trees? It felt like groping in the dark for me.

When the World Soul started to pull me up, everything was right; there was total connection, awakening, recognition, everything. In a sense, I was ready for this.

I didn’t really know my own exhaustion until I lay down on the floor. I tried so hard to make something happen, not knowing how. Wanting to know, seeking… a lot of trying.

At the end, I looked at both sides, for the first time I could really look and see – in a new way. (Trees were on one side, Life force and Stillness on the other side). That was really powerful.

Stillness: What stood out for me was the relationship with the Trees.

The relationship with ‘Juice’ was difficult. I did not want to move, and I had the impression that Juice did not want to be still, so we found ourselves locked in our positions. Then I could lay it on humanity and say “it’s up to you to solve this”. Humanity tried so hard. I had my hand on her back and she was so hot from the effort. And we tried, but it wasn’t a natural dance.

Then the constellation shifted and Trees and the World Soul lay together. It was so wonderful to lie there, behind and almost in the World Soul. It was so beautiful, and very vitalising. Until I woke up from what Humanity and Juice were doing – which was quite a disturbing scene. Humanity looked drunk. Like in a Bacchanalean orgy.

Humanity’s eyes showed me: I’m not drunk! Ria asked Humanity: Are you well? There was no connection! Humanity didn’t understand! It took an intervention from the facilitator.

World Soul: That intervention was the pivotal point! Ria asked: Listen to your body and follow your deepest longing. This didn’t work.

Facilitator: I saw that Humanity was not in connection with her body. It really changed when I said: “Find a place where you can rest”.

Juice: I felt like the Life Force, the creative energy; Juice was part of who I was… at some point it felt like we were having a birth… ‘something’ being born was OK for me. But it is good that it was stopped, it would have had three heads!

World Soul: Yes, it would have been a monster. When Humanity rested it gave the Trees a chance to reestablish. Then life and strength came back into me too. When Stillness and Life Force could find their dance I could… I was gently blowing in Humanity’s hair, she was totally knocked out. She was awoken by the faeries that she didn’t believe in, but it was there. The meaning of the immanent World Soul… it could only exist with the consciousness of Humanity, the conscious relationship between Humanity and World Soul. Humanity needed to be awake and sober, otherwise it couldn’t sense me. Then Humanity woke up and fell in love with me.

Trees: I was very struck by how central I felt; I was in the center of the holding. That was surprising. And really surprising was when Stillness found it’s place behind the Life Force; that was a perfect balance.

Another strong moment was when Humanity lost the plot. I thought: Jesus! I try to help you! And you knocked me down! And I knew you needed support.

World Soul: Stillness came too. I was totally blissed out; the tears came down.

Humanity: I was going underground. Some renewal was possible from there. It were cycles of going in and out: going into the dark, coming out… I became aware of the support of the ground; it is always there. Ground – underground/dark – space… I’m learning willingly to descend… and hanging out in the dark. Go underneath when it was an apocalyptic moment.

Powerful for me was to have World Soul there, on the ground. She has been there all the way through. I apologize that I didn’t notice her before. She needs my attention.

World Soul: There is really this sense that Humanity has to knock itself out. Then nature can recover and then Humanity awakens. I was recovering because of the trees who were recovering, then I was helping to let Humanity stand up. There is a right timing to stay down long enough.

What is the translation of Ria telling Humanity to rest? There might still be a need to tell that it is OK to slow down. Is this a role for the feminine?

When Humanity was on this trip, totally oblivious of the World/Earth, she would need to learn from the World Soul; listen to what it’s mother has to say. It seemed we haven’t evolved at all; it was all ‘me and instant gratification’.

Juice: I go where I can move, looking for openings to do that. There were some times when I felt better. When Stillness was behind me, which felt good. In the ‘arranged birth’ I felt like a destructive force. Life Force is just energy; it needs to balance in the polarity.

I mentioned in an earlier blogpost this week that I had brought the sentence with me ‘Don’t believe in money!’. As this line wove itself through our conversation, it became clear that it is not money itself that is the problem, but the scarcity of it and the one type of money that we have. In many communities there is a lot of workforce and a lot of work to be done, but there is a lack of money to connect both; which is a weird thing in itself. For myself, I realised more than ever, that I would never let the scarcity of money come between me and my life, between me and what I sense is the right thing to do.

We also talked about the collapse of the monetary system as we know it now, and how far away the system is from real value of goods and services. A recent blogpost that I read talkes about ‘the conceptualisation of money’, and how this conceptualisation is a sign of a complex society, but also that it announces the collapse of the society at hand. As much as a collapse might disrupt a lot in our lives, there is a good thing in it probably as it will bring us back to what we called ‘the constraints of matter’. When we can’t use more resources than we actually can handle ourselves, within the limits of our own physicality, then life will slow down and we will be able to see and notice again the wonder that is in nature and all of matter.

There is something life-affirming around constraints and boundaries. If I can see the real differences between my three sons, and really recognise and acknowledge them, then I can see how their soul shines through them. I guess it is the same with tools, with nature, with artefacts. If we can really see them, we can notice the sacredness of it again. We will value the quality of the making, the quality of the materials etc. It is all part of the world soul, the immanent light that is hidden in matter. Not visible when you don’t pay attention, but ever present.

Then somebody asked if a constellation wouldn’t be the right thing to do. Amazing how this proposal always comes from one of the participants and I never think of it myself! As in previous gatherings of Women Moving the Edge it was again an amazing experience!

There was Stillness supported by the Trees; and the Immanent World Soul came to lie on the ground. Stillness was sometimes reaching too high in the sky and then loosing its balance; which then the Trees would compensate for in support. The main point of the constellation was that Stillness seemed to be in opposition with Juice/Creativity/LifeForce. And Humanity was so drawn to the energy of the Life Force that it would go into frantic behavior; like it was drunk. It even didn’t understand the question of Do you feel well? It had no relation with it’s body, didn’t know what was its deepest longing, but finally could come to rest on the floor, next to the World Soul. That was the point when the Trees could rejuvenate and standing tall again. Stillness found it’s place behind the Life Force, both opposite of the Trees, and slowly, slowly Humanity could stand up again in total awe of the World Soul.

We had a long conversation afterwards of what this all meant to us; how we could understand the messages of this constellation (was posted later); then we went into dinner, into the evening and into the night.

As happened in different other iterations of Women Moving the Edge a systemic constellation emerged in the afternoon. It came out of a merging of the two lines of conversations that had been going on since we started. One the one hand the conversation on what a new economic system could look like, and all that is related to that. Many of us live and work on the edge of the ‘old’ and the ‘new’ system, with the implication of having some real money for some of the work we do and creating a lot of value and meaning in other projects, but with no reward or payment in the common currency. On the other hand we have been talking a lot of being in the fullness of who we are as women, our passion, our sensitivity, our wildness. How is this all related? Is there a relation?

When we started sensing into it something happened in my body, some kind of anxiety related with the question at hand, realizing how much war, murder etc was related with money and the bigger economic system. The energy became dense in the room while I shared it… but others stayed clear and called me/us out of our belief in the shadow!!! Recalling ‘the koan of the shadow’ I soon got out of it and could focus on ‘restoration of the sacred’, be it in a money system or in relationship with the feminine. It teached us that neither fear nor shadow are real, but that this topic has a lot of depth and we have to realize that fully!

The question we came up with that would drive the constellation was something like: If the Collective She comes alive what is the new economic system? We didn’t capture the constellation real time, but here is – more or less – the conversation we had afterwards. The ‘names’ are the elements in the constellation that people represented in the constellation. This is kind of long, but I don’t want to leave something out…

Holding Space (HS): On a personal level, I could have been the Sacred Feminine (SF), but Judy took it. I felt powerful at the end, sitting in the chair. (The chair represented the new project of restoring the Earth that seemed somehow needed in the whole constellation to align the energies of the different players. At the end HS plopped herself in the chair, representing the wild, sensual feminine energy, which brought a lot of aliveness for all elements in the constellation!) HS and SF need each other; we could have done it together: Sisters in the Sacred Feminine.

Sacred Feminine (SF): As you sat in the chair, as the seductrice, I came aware that there was no one in the constellation that I wanted to seduce! Really hard… I don’t want to be in intimacy, only when Current Value System looked at me… I felt pretty powerless in the constellation. When I was asked to say: “I will hold that project (of restoring the Earth).” I first was holding back, but yet, it drew me. When later HS sat there in the chair, I was ready.

HS: The seductrice and the HS, this partnership is the powerful force that can move the system. I embraced Greed and the whole thing. I wanted to say: Come on! Let’s co-create! That’s fun.

Current Value System (CVS): When you sat there – like the Royal Pose of the Buddha – personal I loved it.
As CVS I was yearning all the time: Where is she?!!! There was intense relief when I had an alley (SF came along). Then Greed came along, and I had a hard time not to get angry. I want to be, I want to learn from the SF! That was very nice to me. CVS and the People need more to do together.

Terra (as both the Earth and one of the new complementary currencies called Terra): Interesting; there was something missing. The People were not representing the question; SF didn’t look like to be involved with it… but we didn’t have the lush, wild woman!! I had the idea: the answer is missing! There was total relief when you sat down in the chair! Now she has shown up. When are women going to show up and say: We can play a new game! The spark, the alchemy will come from women totally showing up!

Greed: Personally I had a question in high school: What made it go wrong? The answer was greed! I wanted now to try to feel what it took to release that. It happened when CVS had put her arm around me. Someone would need to guide that greed energy to go to a healthier place. Like you would speak to a 5-year old. The SF felt like in a foreign country to me.
Something shifted when I got directions from the facilitator. I am not sure I wanted to grow up, I would like to have attention for the little 5-year old that is wanting and wanting and wanting… but there is relief in having limits…
How can I apply this to my world? Seeing the 5-year old in the bankers??
At the end (HS in the chair), that was a very grown up experience, meeting you as a full woman, but I was still a child. I needed a lot of holding to grow up. If I felt nourished I wouldn’t need all this stuff, replacing what is missing. That feels true.

SF: My inclination from the beginning was to give love to Greed, a human need that was unfulfilled. All my colleagues were not fully trusting you… I didn’t do it, I wasn’t listening to myself at all! The shadow is not real, until we say it is bad and we can’t trust it!

Money: I didn’t go with all my impulses, thinking: I can’t do that as money! I wanted to go with the Sacred feminine to Greed. I wanted to say: There is nothing wrong with her (=Greed); it is a Sacred Longing!!!! When you said: “If you could hold me and nourish, it brought me to … (explanation of the development of the limbic system and how it is related to the development of empathy)… it is just that critical part in development, that hungry place for nourishment! It shows up in adults, but it are young children. I think of the differences when my son has an emotion I can hold it, he can just have these expressions and he doesn’t need to hold it in his body, as we had to do.

People: I resonate with this. I choose to represent People because I feel like the people should protest, and they don’t! I went with that impulse and tried to integrate it with the feminine etc; I wanted to push that, but it didn’t work. At the end I wanted more connection with the Sacred Feminine, but it felt right that they where the bigger system. Being with Greed felt right, we can hold them. Maybe I could have played a more nurturing role…

CVS: ‘living as child in an adult body’… the holding space we have been talking about, is holding space with love. We don’t name it like that. Unconditional love… bottom line is the love and the space!

Terra: I was never fully activated. It was not needed?!? There was nothing in the constellation that was activating Terra; a potential untapped. Interesting, even when I was standing on a chair trying to get attention. The constellation was dealing with relations etc, but not paying attention to me. I stayed floating, not meaningful. I was like a piece of furniture.
Sometimes I was the currency, sometimes I was Earth. It was a dual consciousness, possible of healing the split. Neither of it was activated in the constellation.
The wild woman, not the Sacred Feminine, but the practical, seductive, juicy! If we connect juice to the Terra everybody would love it!
When wild, lush women doing real cool stuff, evoke this community, who wouldn’t want to be part of this tribe? Sexuality and sensuality are deeply connected with this; like a lover’s invitation to the Soul. The integration of wild and lush and spiritual and… spiritual ecstasy, existential ecstasy.
It reminds me of a quote: What will you do with this one wild life? Like someone is saying: Peace is sexy; make it alluring.
I put the bin in the constellation for the Cosmic Garbage. There was a heaviness in the constellation, and it was my invitation to just let it go! Throw the trash out! Then let’s get back to what we are doing.

People: (What would activate you more?) More of me. I was doing more people on my own. I was not sure how to do it, torn between fighting the old and going with the new.
(Did you feel lost? Confused?) Yeah, it was hard to keep a clear idea of things… lots of confusion… I wanted to get to a new way – not just the small concept – I didn’t see how to get there.

Money: Terra brought me the chair to rest. Terra being there was important. It allowed me to be what I was. I didn’t realize you (Terra) wanted attention, it looked like you were holding space.

Terra: For some time I was doing that. But at a certain point someone needed to notice me and activate me.

Money: At some point there was an impulse, not very strong. I wanted to reach out to Terra, but so much was going on… There is something about ‘the moment’…
(Why was it hard to look at Terra?) Part of it was ‘she was cool’, looked like ‘don’t you like me?’. I had the impulse to say: I am here for some time!

Participant: This whole movement of complementary currency can piss people of. We have to flag something about language, tone etc. ‘Old money meets new money’. A way to come in is at the side door and start a conversation.

Money: The credibility of complementary money has been studied. Unless the orange (Spiral Dynamics) can shift, credibility is not being granted. My first impulse was attraction!(Could it be an invitation to dialogue?) There was an openness, I didn’t need an invitation. But it moved too fast, I missed the opportunity. (How did it move too fast?)Terra was jumping of the chair, there was lots of fixing and making nice. There was no attention for Money and Terra.
CVS: It was not so much fixing for me, but looking for allies. Greed came along – I hoped to change it, to get Greed of my back.
There was some healing going on. Maybe Greed could be held in that, in the unconditional way. Maybe it is part of reality that there are a lot of emotions. I wanted People to make a lot of noice ‘We can’t take it any more!’… But there is responsibility everywhere. Money: We didn’t inquire into Greed, we jumped into blaming Greed.

Facilitator: There was not much adult consciousness in the constellation.  Greed was obvious and I tried to bring her to the emotional position of a grown up – Let her say: sorry.  The other elements still didn’t trust her and I was puzzled – why couldn’t they take the bowing for what it was (maybe too soon?!)
What I hear now in this conversation afterwards are a lot of impulses not acted upon and ideas that were not spoken.  Why is that?  What does it tell us about the system?  As facilitator I see a system that is blocked and I try to see which stone to move so it can flow again.  Try to move positions or let people say something to see if it brings flow.
My big question was: Who is taking initiative?  Who is taking this on?

Greed: The instructions, to me it felt as: “Mam is upset!”, and I wanted love for the child greed.

Participant: A lot of things didn’t go ‘right’ and the learning is huge!
Participant: I honor the constellation – who didn’t show up, who doesn’t speak up… I deeply believe that – having worked with teenagers – we live in a teenage-at-risk-society! They have to be initiated; and can we love them? Saying: Let me help initiate you. That is all they are longing for.

Participant: Who do we think we are that ‘they’ need initiation?! It is what it is, and there is a longing in some of us to change something. I think it is simple.
Silence

Participant: How do we hold consciousness? It seems like Life has a new toy, Consciousness, and it doesn’t know what to do with it yet.
I’m present to the life stages from birth to… getting to an adult stage.. I am not sure that I can go there, responsibly. But I can hold the possibility and the potential. I (Money) did feel a real love. Just put some love in the system! Somewhere! There is also the urgency; when the love holds the call then it goes somewhere. It is very easy to see the call going without the love.

Participant: How to have that Call – in Love and grounded… Love says finally: No more!!! Kali energy rooted in unconditional love. We have yet to see the Feminine Principle to show up! It is not an a map yet, and all metaphors brake down.

It is quite clear that this constellation impacted us a lot. There was confusion, no one taking responsibility, everyone waiting for the others… just as we can see happening in real life in our world. The ‘jump’ from Holding Space to the active, seducing and attractive part of the feminine would work further in our time together, and even beyond.

As it goes, through some connections by email I received this report. I found it interesting as it links with constellations I have facilitated, or maybe better to say: that have emerged in gatherings that I was hosting. It is about a constellation with its focus on the New Economy.

Especially the role of the Joyful Women – see the end – speaks to me as we are looking in the program Women Moving the Edge what is the kind of feminine action and consciousness that is needed in the world right now. Enjoy this story!

“On Sunday Nov. 16, at a Women’s Circle in Malibu, California, a new Deva* came through to help us manifest the New Economy of the New Earth: The Deva of Flow.

This occurred during a Constellation** inquiring into what needs to happen to bring the Economy into alignment with the Divine Plan.
It was a “Chaos Constellation” in which people do not know what they are representing. Each person simply follows her own movements until she finds her place. Representatives were chosen for the Economy, the Deva of the Economy, and different aspects of the Solution. By the end, all the 20+ people in the room were in the Constellation, including a 7-year-old girl and 5-month-old boy.
In sharing after the Constellation, representatives reported feeling as though they were water, part of the waves or wave action, sources of power, etc. Science, Education, New Energy Forms, the Common Man and Women all entered to find their places as part of the Solution.
The representative for the Deva of Flow (a name that came to me later) constantly wove in and out of the group, making a whooshing sound like the wind, easily bending, arching and moving among all the different people and energies.
When New Forms of Business came into the Constellation, all the other representatives ignored her. She wanted to go to the Economy, but could not stand on her own and sank down on the floor. It took the Deva of Flow to reach out to New Business, raise her up and show her how to dance, how to move, how to effortlessly flow.
Dancing, New Business connected to Conscious Humanity, and they danced and flowed together. Many other representatives in the room already were holding hands, starting to make a circle. Conscious Humanity and New Business – their hands linked – moved to join the others.
Conscious Humanity took the hand of the 7-year-old girl and there was an expectation that New Business would complete the circle. But, with her right hand joined to Conscious Humanity, New Business continued to move into the center, placing her left hand on the back of the representative for the Economy who was holding the baby boy in her arms.
Conscious Humanity and New Business continued their dancing movement, swaying their hips and moving together. Everyone else in the room linked hands and the line moved and swayed in harmony, slowly spiraling toward the center in a living expression of Sacred Geometry, the Golden Mean, the spiral at the center of a Nautilus shell.

In sharing afterwards, one representative emphasized that what the Economy needs is the energy of Joyful Woman: The woman who has no agenda. Who does not push but gently pulls, saying, “Follow me!” This is NOT the energy of trying to fix or make something happen. This is the energy of pure knowing, powerfully and gently expressed. This is the wise, intuitive woman who leads simply by Being who she is.

* A deva is an overlighting Spirit – emanation of the Divine – overseeing physical manifestations on Earth. (There are Devas for all the elements, trees, plants, animals, etc.)

** In a Constellation (a process pioneered by German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger), an issue or question is raised and individuals enter a circle of sacred space, following the feelings, information and movements they sense through their bodies. Through this group process, a new picture may emerge, which can help shift the energy in an individual, relationship or situation.”

Joy Steltzner

After sensing into the first part of M’s map the I of the leader we shifted our attention to the We part of it. This wasn’t as clear as the first part, so this posting might be a little of ‘bits and pieces’… we will see.

I remember speaking vividly about the difference of feminine knowing and masculine knowing. It was more a showing than a speaking actually! Masculine knowing is taking a step back (see me stepping away) from the experience, it is talking about something, it is building a concept after the facts… Feminine knowing (not to be confused with women’s knowing! men know this too!) is knowing IN the experience (see me stepping into the center again). While drawing ‘getting something’ you never understood before; while walking in nature ‘getting’ what you need to do next. The knowing IS in the totality of your being, not just in your head; it is as if your cells understood something.

We spoke about what Collective Presencing really meant. It can only happen in a combination of together holding a question, being in collective inquiry with a collective holding space, a connection to source or soul. As women we are wired through our wombs – to bring the Source back into the world. In doing so we, as women, become more whole, but men become more whole too. We are in this way healing across gender.

I remember taking M. in the middle of our circle, taking her in a collective hug, where she could ‘get’ – in a feminine, experiencing way – that she was welcome in this We. The We is not a headplace, the We can only be experienced. This brought up the entanglement of ‘being intimate in a physical way’ with ’sexuality’. It is important to make the difference between them. Another entanglement showed up in a constellation that emerged out of the question: What would my womb tell me? How do I/we move from the womb? It was an entanglement between womb and sexuality, which blurred right relationship with men. There was confusion – held by so many women – : To be a powerful woman, I can’t be sexual, I can’t be attractive to men. In the constellation the woman could take her womb and her sexuality next to her, which made her feel powerful and complete. This is my home. Bringing in the element of the World gave her a larger perspective, much broader than the relationship with the man only. It was inspiring for the man too! The relationship with your purpose, freed all my creative energy! The constellation was complete.

The constellation also showed that we, as women, have to step forward with what we know is right to do. We can stop complaining that men don’t do it in the right way; but step forward and say: I/we know something here; at least the next step. Are you willing to come along?

We came to our last morning on Monday. Everybody was still full of the many learnings the constellation had brought. The dialogue started from there. It is so rich (and long), but I wouldn’t know what to leave out…

* Perceval had to re-trace his steps. In retracing your experience you consciously understand. The healing of the wounded king is when we ask the question “Whom does the Grail serve?” This is about alignment. Our task is to stay connected in the epiphany to that alignment and then right action comes out of that.

* If we look back on these two days – what did we do, what made it happen? Reflecting back and making it available to the collective is important. It is not about us only, it’s about laying these cosmic grooves to make it accessible to all.

* In the meditation this morning I realized how being in this circle calls me to be no more and no less than fully present. “It is not up to me” meaning: I don’t have to do this by myself, I’m part of the collective’, and “it is totally up to me” meaning: when I’m not present (and coming from story), the full resonance potential of the group doesn’t manifest. The image of the crystal singing bowl is helpful here – where every point on the circumference of the circle is in harmony, (i.e. it isn’t a loose, floppy circle). The emptiness of the bowl reminds me of Source, of unmanifest potential, and when invited by the striker, sound comes forth.

* There is something about this circle that doesn’t trigger the ego in the usual way. I can be here in a way I don’t usually experience myself… still reeling from the implications of being Source. No ‘me-ness’, only ‘Is-ness’, there’s nothing foreign, not lost everything by not being me. It is a complete paradox that I would relinquish me and receive so much more. Like dropping my clothes, and everything is off me. Yet my place in the world is not less, and my place is vast. There’s no gravity to bring you off the top of the cliff. The thing I’ve looked for I already am, and so are you.

The alignment is a natural evolution, it is a natural expression into action. The ground of Being is raw impetus, highly energized impetus – into form. How do I experience/express myself if I can’t be you and everything?

Dropping of the boundaries of self because there’s a tangible resting point that’s everywhere, the anchor is in the in-between.

To leave here and have something sustainable is the meat of it – it doesn’t give itself to us if we don’t open up to it. We are unlimited possibility.

What we ask for is what’s given – no more and no less. Until we come to accept the vastness that we are, the more we limit the possibility of anything being possible.

There’s a relationship between the question and my willingness to hold a selfless self, without a ‘me’ to gain. Me being willing to be me in the presence of Source is to let it flow through – a new balance is needed.

* How to bring the Empress (from the Tarot) forth – the feminine, creative, loving? Being the Empress is accessing Source. Is the bowl, is the CircleBeing, accessing, opening to Source?

* There’s a formless quality to this gathering, which has no words to describe it – fullness of the silence, the experience of the spaciousness. Not so much asking the question, but I will leave here being (in) the question: Who is it in us that wants to take form, meaning – is it the ‘She’ coming from the formless place?

* “How can I continue to live the question of working with community and diversity?” How can we transcend the I to the WE, the SHE? How to deepen the understanding of the WE? I had a real experience of transcending the me/I this weekend. I transcended it to ‘We’, that might be Source.

The ‘We’ is the pathway into Source.

* The huge awakening (for her representing Collective Knowing) is that the world wanted me – is inviting me – at some level there’s a readiness, an invitation, a birthing.

So those of us who can sit in circle like this can move into this rarefied space. We’re creating grooves, for something to move forward in a new way, and we can consciously align.

I see the collective ‘We’ as the pathway – the next stage of development in human consciousness – to move out of the ‘I’ into the ‘We’.

This connection to the world is so important. We come to this kind of space and struggle to know how to re-enter. A piece of it is togetherness, collaboration – I’ve always tried to do everything alone – why? True collective leadership is about finding your collective – no attachment to my piece, but also owning my gifts in giving them freely. We’re still learning how to be in alignment with Self/Source and other, so we won’t always do it perfectly. There’s something about the feminine that can work with the subtle, creative impulse, that force coming through, and begin to create those pathways in the manifest world.

* Source wants to move, so have no anxiety to manifest the new, it will come through. Source is robust – it’s our human understanding that is fragile! What is unique about you – you will form Source into uniqueness. It’s not a weak supply! The more our ‘Yes’ is there, the more it’s available. There’s deep and profound meaning in the movement itself – inherent in the very movement is the meaning.

* There seems to be a book with the title: “Things are going great in your absence” (absence of our ego – it’s all about getting out of our way)

* ‘The tone of being magnified’ – it penetrates through everything – the vibration is the healing and the action.

* How can we hold the space as we leave, without going into our distraction?

* I acknowledge the multiple modalities of access we’ve had here this weekend – art, movement, poetry, constellation, sharing etc. – very non-linear, whatever is the next thing that emerges – a feminine way of being. The underlying order is always present and we pop up like mushrooms.

Like in the first Women Moving the Edge gathering, on the evening of the third day it felt time and the right thing to do a systemic constellation. In the previous days different participants had talked about their experiences with it, and the ones who didn’t know were curious about it.

We identified our question as: What is coming through us now?

As facilitator of the constellation I decided to let people choose for themselves which element was relevant within this question, which they would then represent. Two felt tired and started as observers, while lying on the sofa. Later they were asked to be representatives too: one as the Real World and one as Joy-Playfulness.

In silence the representatives set themselves up: Collective Knowing, Moving the Edge, One (later named as Source), Power, Being, and the Unmanifest.

In the beginning Moving the Edge stood apart, facing away from all the rest, looking outside ‘to do’ something, later…
I didn’t feel a lot of real movement in the whole constellation, and everything was quite ‘up in the sky’ with all these abstract elements, that’s why I chose to ask one of the observers to be representative for the Real World. This was attractive to Collective Knowing.
As a facilitator, I sensed a lot of seriousness in this constellation, there was no fun or joy. So I decided to bring in Joy, who immediately started to jump around and do little dances here and there. Everyone got a smile on their face. This was much better!
As we were all totally involved in this powerful experience, below you find our reflections afterwards.

Being: As Being I felt the underlying support. I had no need to do anything, just to exist; to remain constant. Manifestation would take care of itself. The power that comes out of Being, the power of love was a good addition. I felt very intimate with Power. (Being and Power stood back to back in the constellation for a long time)

Power: When I leaned against Being, my backache went away. Then it felt as if she was pushing.

Being: I liked the closeness.

Unmanifest: I felt like an impersonal presence that had an opening (between other representatives), but somehow the conditions were not there to move forward. Then when I moved to the manifest, yes, I need the manifest. The pathway is there, but I can’t move; there is no movement yet. The conditions were not right to move. When we were shaken up by Joy, it was a shaking. I was an impersonal energy. “It doesn’t matter!” came from that unmanifest plane. It did feel lighter. At the end, feeling with One and Being (standing with the three of them next to each other), it felt very strong. I could stay there; I was gathering strength. What happened in front of us became irrelevant.
Power: I felt very good with the three of you behind me, the truth was of connection and satisfaction as I looked at the scenario in front of me (Collective Knowing was invited by Real World to be next to her). It felt better when I come closer to The Edge. I felt more connected with what was behind me. I was beginning to feel to sit at the foot of the Real World.

The One: As the One the first experience was a vast, impersonal condition. I realized there was nothing separated. I also noticed that I am real, the veil of the unmanifest. I engage only when I was summoned, I was so vast and full. Not one time did anyone turn to me and use it (this vast resource)!I rose up in the presence of being. There was a symmetry: The Being, the One and the Unmanifest, they were common. The only way of moving was by invitation, but nobody engaged us. Don’t you understand that something is here for you!!! I can’t join the world; it wouldn’t be weak, it couldn’t be … I wanted you to know that.. the veil of the unmanifest would be pierced and form would happen.

Edge: I was realizing what you spoke – just now – Moving the Edge needs to turn inwards to Source first! I was facing out in the constellation instead of in! I remember feeling very isolated in the beginning, and later connected with the Real World; it felt more connected but still not fully connected, not connected back here, and so not connected to the world.

Joy: I gave myself a role as Resting before. It was part of the whole: out of Resting came Play! It seemed to me that the sense of loneliness began to shift when the Playfulness came in. It brought everybody together, there was giggling in the back, a sense of connectedness that eased it all, when I came in.

Collective Knowing: There were multiple things going on for me. Immediately I felt I wanted to be connected with everything. I wasn’t sure how to make that happen. I was the way through for Source. What was really an awakening was that the world wanted me next to her! Maybe Collective Knowing is closer to the world than I imagined. Maybe it is closer than we know. Maybe it is just that close. It was as if I had a baby in my arms. Yet there had to be a stepping back from the World to still be in a place to work with the other elements. The playfulness is so important!!! All the pieces are important! They were so close, Collective Knowing is so close to moving from the unmanifest to the manifest.

Real World: Collective Knowing was the portal. I still don’t get ‘that’ (One, Being and Unmanifest in the back). If you (Collective Knowing) come closer then maybe I can get ‘that’. With Collective Knowing close there was at least a glimpse. Felt really hard, it didn’t flow… we still don’t know what this is all about. It still spoke about the challenge we are in. An ease not at all concerned with the world; a groove happening …

Power: Remembering a sequence: Moving the Edge was looking away (in the beginning) and then looking at me and then moving back; later facing back again… the three goddesses behind me (One, Being, Unmanifest). I was on the ground, and I moved forward… a progression of relationship between those elements that became more coherent in relation to the world; it was not complete…

Being: I remember when you (Power) turned toward Being …

Oneness: about devouring… what came to me was that I am equally between manifest and unmanifest. It doesn’t have … new things can arise … it doesn’t give me a chance that… I had a real relationship with unmanifest. It stood before me. No one knows the vastness of what is available and it is ultimately knowable. In an impersonal way; the desire to be pulled into possibilities. Everything that could be is there. If one had the faith to look beyond the unmanifest; I am here, I am there, I am available, I am present. A very different relationship to Source and the Unmanifest. Ultimately not being given full viability. You are of it, it is of you, and we are not other than…

Power: We are all aspects of the One.

One: I held the belief that there was a separation, it was an illusion…

Joy: Maybe for me the place where I got stuck was almost that the Oneness or Source is so fluid… you are nowhere and everywhere at one time. It didn’t feel right to be in one position. Maybe also for the Unmanifest… Collective Knowing found the right place, but the One and Unmanifest needed to be all over the place, instead of behind (where they ended up in the end) or at the side, that could have made it more coherent.

Collective Knowing: What I saw at a certain point: Playfulness brought in a sense of lightness. And that brought a clarity of seeing and knowing that was not there before. We can see more clearly when there is fun around.

The One: Just ask!! It refers to the Biblical mandate: Ask and it shall be given. The power of the invocation; the known laws of the universe…
When did we forget to ask? Perceval (in the legend of King Arthur) doesn’t ask the question, because he wants to be polite. The question was: Whom does the Grail serve? It took him 5 years to find it out he needed to simply ask the question.

One: I had the experience of transcending your personal identity, it had the appearance of arrogance, unquestioned knowing, no ambivalence… contraindication in the feminine model… it still pushed the limits of what I could speak… it had no … it knew self so well, there was only the Is-ness. There was no such thing as unclear, or pause, … If you want to take that position… a very interesting place to explore. You can’t stop anything!

Being: I had the ongoing question: Why isn’t the One with me? I was not in the place of the all powerful aspect. I see now I have been equating Being with Source, but I was the consciousness aspect. As Being I saw myself first as unmanifest, but it changed to a more manifest Being, the inbetween space, between Source and manifestation. After this shift, I felt the different role… my back did stop hurting…. I am still not clear… There was more an idea in the beginning; it came out differently.

Edge: I am sitting here with a thought “I let the side down”. If I take off that edge of what stopped me asking. What struck me the most is what One said now. The grail serves the grail king; the source… it is like a turn around in my head, in my knowing I know the truth. I let down by not asking, into the real world… I can’t disentangle myself form the role. How much is me? How much is the role? Still the question is: One was waiting to be invited. I only realize now that I was looking outwards, instead of looking in, we don’t do this asking! In the hot tub this morning… the sun before us, and there is the moon… at the back. How to have it both at the same time? I started off in the constellation to look outwards, even when I looked inwards, if I am not viable that is OK to abdicating the power. I am the power by asking.

Power: I felt met, I felt resignation, to move the edge is going to be really difficult and sort of squeezing of something, but I will do it sort of thing. But if everything is One or Being, then moving the edge isn’t difficult. Power is simply alignment; that is what it is.

Being: you were rebuffed by Power… the rebuff of power seemed to have an impact on the situation.

Unmanifest: These are representations, it is a holographic picture. It is a representation of everybody here. Let the roles come back into the center or shake them off…

Being: It was perfect. You are not responsible for the role you stood in; for all of us.

As I look back now on the systemic constellation that we did, I can see how all the elements that were needed in the constellation came up in the two days before, as elements of different conversations. Yesterday in a conversation about the gathering with George, it became clear to me that in a deep, collective U-process as we did in this gathering, a systemic constellation can be a format that makes a ‘collective letting come’ possible. More on this later.

For now I want to describe some of the important movements that happened in this constellation and the learnings we got out from it. Let’s start with the beginning.

In the beginning it was clear that Leadership needed support. The person representing Leadership felt unstable and fell almost to the back. The Future representative felt this need for support and wanted to stand behind Leadership, but it was not the right place for Future; so she went back to her initial position. Only when Leadership could take more distance from the Pain of the world, she could really look and felt all right. After the constellation she reported: “I was really struck how passive I can be; I rather went out instead of doing something.”

(more…)

Late afternoon a systemic constellation was proposed. Some chaos re-entered as some didn’t know what it was, but they were willing to give it a try. What was it that we had to represent? What was here the relevant system and the relevant issue?

We finally agreed on the following ‘elements’: the future, consciousness, community, the holding back, inner knowing, the pain of the world, leadership and action. These were all elements that had been part of many conversations the days before. As we were all representatives with one facilitator nobody was there to record it in any way. We all felt the need to harvest and even when it got late in the evening we gathered to share our basic insights; they were so rich! And I’m sure I don’t understand them all so far!

I probably will post the whole learning later on, but I sit now with one ‘event’ in the constallation that I’m wondering about. At a certain point there was a strong message from Inner Knowing to go to Leadership and to support it. She went to stand next to Leadership and they gave hands. It was obvious that it supported Leadership in a very good way. I’m puzzled about how to translate that into my daily life…

I’m aware as I am writing these postings about the gathering that the other participants can and will have a total different story to tell. I was only one part of this collective Being that had it’s own wisdom and cycles. I can only describe it trough my own lense.