Archive for April, 2012

Strange Saturday afternoon – construction and creation

Wednesday, April 25th, 2012

I said in one of the previous blog posts that at the end of Saturday morning I had a sense that we were done with the work of that day. A real strange feeling it was to me with more than half of the day still to go. And right then came a lot of information through me that I needed to share into the circle, of which some was new to me too. I ended this sharing with pointing out the difference between construction and creation. From that point on, I saw this difference showing up in so many instances, in our sharing and our inquiries.

As humankind we have constructed so much! Especially since modern times where there is so much constructed in the field of engineering and technology; but you can also think of laws, rules and regulations – and not in the least money and banks! And so much more! To me, construction is where the capacity of the mind, the mental intelligence, is not in balance with all the other intelligences that we have. We often use the word created in this context, but I now understand there is a real difference to it.

If we think of an artist, who normally takes a lot of time to bring her creation about, we get a sense of what might be different between construction and creation. Creation has a vision, an intent, a felt sense or an inquiry at the beginning. Construction can also have a vision, or at least an idea, but I wonder if the element of inquiry or felt sense is as strong. In artistry the felt sense is then followed by a whole time of being pregnant with that possibility. Then comes a lot of trying out, see how elements fit together or not… checking if the artifact is actually in line with the original intention… many times starting all over again from scratch. What if we would look at our lives in that way? As a creation and not as a construction that needs fixing? Our lives as – again and again – the next iteration of a creative process?

So, back to the Saturday afternoon. We gathered back in the circle, already missing R. who went to bed for some rest. I felt weird in my body. I recognised the feeling of it, it is when energies are moving, something is resetting itself inside my inner energy system. I had to lay down while being in the circle, I had to close my eyes. It turned out that we all felt like being in Open Space, instead of being in a sharing circle. So that’s what we decided doing. Little conversations were going on in pairs, a few of us started knitting, I lay down in front of the fireplace and let the energies do its work inside of my body. R. came down, entered the energy present and went back to bed again.

Looking back at it now, I know that I was preparing on the subtle levels for the ritual that we were going to do on the next day. There was some pregnancy time needed for getting my inner being aligned to be able to do that. I hope I will remember next time, as I have now experienced it a lot of times. Still I always start of with the thought that it is something personal that is happening to me; but in the end it is something deeply collective, as I am in service of what needs to happen in the circle.

The amasing thing is that by sharing emails with a few women outside this circle at Hazelwood House, there were others – in Germany or in Brussels – who had similar kind of weird feelings! We had been surprised upfront the gathering that a few women had a strong connection with this gathering in the UK, but still felt that they were not supposed to come, but had to do something similar in their own places. Places were as far apart as the Dolomites, Lebanon and the south of Germany.

We have been seeing this lately how the field that is named Women Moving the Edge is spreading and manifesting in local women circles, where the work of presence and creation is continued. I suspect there will be more clarity on this later.

About ego, soul and paradise

Tuesday, April 24th, 2012

Lena brought a nice question to the circle on Saturday morning: What else can I let go of? What brings me real joy or real comfort? A whole conversation emerged around the theme of ‘being OK’, which is ‘beyond what is good or bad’. It is about ‘it is just as it is’. It is about ‘I am just as I am’. Also in relationship, we cannot ‘make’ the connection, we cannot force it to happen, but true relationship is about being there, fully present. Even if I feel angry, or lost, or something else I can still find it totally OK that that is what is there in me. The part in me that wants to make it wrong – not OK – is part of my ego, part of all the shoulds and woulds that we have grown up with. The part that can be OK with what is happening is closer to our witnessing capacity and our soul. We need this competence to get out of the stuck places in our lives.

It tied in with a conversation around comfort zones. There is a fine distinction to make between a comfort zone that means we are used to it, we do it out of habit. Indeed we can find comfort in it, because it is in our lives since a long, long time and we are used to it. But if we need to find the comfort that is real, the question to ask is: What brings me nurturing? What is of real support to me? Which might actually be something totally different than what we are used to – like eating chocolate and biscuits in my case!

Being OK with ‘what is’ can mean that I need to share what is present in me. This act of self-disclosure, vulnerable as it can feel, helps me to stay in my own flow and helps me to stay present. Denying it or repressing it does not make it go away! We better express what is present in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone, including myself, so that energy can flow again.

This conversation reminded of the advice a body-work teacher told me long time ago, about how to be in the love making with your partner. He would wrap it up in one, challenging sentence: Mind your own business! I was shocked the first time I heard that. Not taking care of my partner I love so much? No! Mind your own business. Stay in your own flow; move how you want to move, express your love in a gesture that fits that moment etc. It is a lesson that we can take on for our whole life, to follow your own spark, your own flow. That’s how we get to the place of soul, the world of creation. That’s where the ecstasy can be found! That’s where paradise lays!

The practice of being in circle where we are serious about inviting in the diversity means that it is essential – a precondition – that every participant brings in their own gifts. This can only happen when we follow our own flow and listen inside to what is emerging, what needs to be shared into the collective. On another occasion in our gathering this point became clear once again. One of us had a strange and difficult night. She was kind of trying to wave it away in the morning at the breakfast table but it was important that she shared it all. Only then, after having gone through the different emotions that were related with it – both deep sadness, but also deep release and joy – we saw the relaxation coming back in her face, and even the smile was visible again! And the message present in her sharing was important for understanding what we had gone through as a collective.

Too many times we still think that what we experience is only personal. We don’t realize that our circle, this collective being, is made up like a puzzle. If we don’t bring in our unique thing, then something is missing in the overall picture and we don’t see the whole of it. Sometimes the sharing helps us to become present, as a first level of what is needed and possible for the collective wisdom to arise.

But then the next level or layer can arise where our unique gift, from our soul’s purpose, is a precondition for the circle to come to a level of generativity; where the new can really emerge; that one unique thing that only this group of people can do right now, and right here. It is beyond collective intelligence or collective wisdom, it is what Helen expresses in: not being IN the cosmos, but being AS the cosmos. Being AS life itself; being AS paradise.

Coning

Monday, April 23rd, 2012

One of the things on the subtle dimensions was to open and close our gathering with a coning. Somebody said it beautiful in our circle: a coning is a structure of co-creation (with the subtle). I know this structure or this way of working from the work of Machaelle Small Wright of the Perelandra gardens. Basically it comes down to ask different energies of the subtle dimensions to join forces with us. Out of this work I understood that humans and subtle beings or energies each have their own role to play. Humans are the ones to decide. They have the free will and when they set an intention the other forces can join in and make sure it will become manifest in the world of three dimensions. What I liked in this body of work are the deva’s or the devic level. They can be seen as the architects; they make sure that a carrot looks like a carrot everywhere in the world. Next to the architect are the builders, that are called the nature spirits. It is good to know that every being, every project, every organization has a devic level that we can ask to create with us. I’m sure it makes things much easier. Basically we have to set the direction and trust that the other levels at work in the universe will do their utmost best to make it reality. Giving the directions is all that we humans need to do! (instead of us trying to make things work!)

Of course there is a time delay between setting our intention and the manifestation of it; at least up till now. I do think it can change over time!

I had to learn the lesson of time delay again when we were at Avebury on Sunday. We had lunch after we arrived there and then we agreed on having some free time to roam around and getting to know the place a bit. We would gather again after 30-40 min, without setting our clocks though. It turned out that it took much longer and there was a nervousness in me about what we were supposed to do. This emotional stress came out as a kind of frustration towards the others that were ‘not on time’. When I realized we had to wait for the circle to gather in its own time, soon enough the missing women showed up in the place were we were sitting!

In setting intentions we need to include the trust in the process. Like in a pregnancy, you know there is something growing, although you don’t know how it will look like or when it specifically will show up. You are pregnant, you give yourself good care, make preparations and basically wait for it to show up. That’s what we need to learn for our worldly projects too, and avoid to step into premature actions.

The importance of the nature beings involved is that they know all about balance (they don’t know about free will though). If we give these energies the time they need our actions will be balanced and aligned with ourselves, each other and the world around us.

Struggle is really over!

Monday, April 23rd, 2012

These are the words that came through me in the morning circle (on Saturday)… strangely after I had the feeling, half an hour before lunch, that we were done for the morning and could stop. No, there was a whole lot more to share! Makes me wonder what is it then what I had been sensing in this ‘done’ energy… not sure yet…

I was reminded of the image that came to me in a guided visualization we did in the previous WMtE gathering, where we were supposed to look ‘over the edge’, to see what was there to see. What I saw was women figures, sitting in a circle, and weaving a kind of tissue from their womb spaces. In the beginning the tissue was kind of loose, but later became more stretched and had some shiny texture, like satin or silk. It was my image of what I understand from what Larry Merculieff names as the ‘outer womb’ that women need to practice again. (listen to his video talk)

Holding this outer womb, as a collective, seems to me important for the ritual we are going to do in Avebury tomorrow. It is to be constantly aware of the connection and the collective holding. The ritual will be about making an imprint for a new groove: for conscious collective entities that know how to co-create with the other dimensions in service of life.

There is seriousness involved in this ritual as it asks of us to continuously be aware of our presence on different planes, but there is definitely a lot of joy to be experienced too! The seriousness is about being fine-tuned to our own, individual alignment and in the presence with each other. For the rest it is joy!

There is anticipation and longing in myself to do this with the masculine present, but first we need to set the groove, with women. It’s the women’s bodies that know how to bring spirit into matter. This new groove is about a new way in which spirit can come into matter. We will laying a pathway, give the new direction of how it can unfold.

I see children in the middle; like in the Tarot card of Love: children playing in paradise… the children remind me of the 7 generations that have been part of our conversations and that we will hold at the center of our creation for the future. It is also a lot about beauty!!!

The struggle is really over! The struggle of mankind to find itself; to really understand that he can survive. There is no point anymore in any kind of struggle. We exist! Up till now we have used our mental capacities a lot out of survival mode, out of the lower brain. Now we can evolve more to a whole-brain capacity, where the mental can be in service of creation, beauty and joy;  generating the new, the next.

It’s time to realize we are all masters, and we can do that in the physical reality of time, space and matter. This world of three dimensions is here to become conscious of beauty, of joy, of what is possible. I can’t express fully in words about why the physical world is so important… what is the relationship with the field of potential…

I come back to the joy and the lovemaking – the sheer joy of flow, of physicality, of ecstasy; all of this and more! – spirits can’t experience that in depth, because they don’t have the body available!!!

We have constructed so much instead of creating. What is construction and what is creation?

Lovemaking with the future

Saturday, April 21st, 2012

I try to bring some more of what transpired in our conversations in this, what feels to us as a special Women Moving the Edge gathering. It feels as if we have come full circle, and that we are preparing for another form to arise. We will only know later if this is really true or not. It feels to some of us as if we are stepping more into the energetic world; and we can just trust in that what we are called into and what is needed will show up along the way.

Many times the concept of ‘the gift is in the trauma’ has come up. I know how it is true for all of us, individuals. Because your whole life has more or less moved around this topic of your deepest trauma, you have seen it from all directions, from all perspectives and you have become an expert! At least, if you manage to get rid, step-by-step, of the emotions of hurt that go with it. Working through these and adding some consciousness to it, brings you to the gift that is hidden in there.

Now we wondered, how is that for the archetypal feminine? Is it to invite the masculine from this place what we have named the unwounded feminine? To be in a fluid co-creation? It reminded me of the ‘lovemaking with the future’, that I see as part of being in relationship with what has to come; a part of being in a truly generative space. Actually it is a very good metaphor as it brings up all the lovely feelings of lovemaking, now applied to thinking and sensing the future, of what is to come. This goes way further than what Otto Scharmer calls ‘learning from the future’; at least as how I understand that.

As in lovemaking, a lot of what is going on between the two partners is not only physical, but it includes a lot of subtle movements and exchange of a lot of energies. What we are understanding now more and more in our exchange here is that we are can create our reality in a lovemaking with the subtle dimensions. You could even use the concept of interpenetration, of embracing… at least we participate, from our three-dimensional space, into the other dimensions – and these more subtle dimensions have influence back on us and this dimension of space and time! It becomes impossible to know where one dimension ends and another begins; again like in good lovemaking where you can’t remember who started which move or who initiated what. Most likely there are no clear boundaries between dimensions, and not even between people – or even things! –  as we all are formed by our exchange and living together with others and all that surrounds us.

All this conversations about the masculine and the feminine also brought up the question, for us women: What is the masculine in me? We talked about the masculine shield that so many of us, Western educated women, have learned to wear in our lives as professional women. It has become a second nature to us to think and act in a more masculine way, so far even that the authentic feminine seems sometimes weird or outrageous to us. What about removing this shield in front of us, and meet the world in a feminine way, and let the masculine support us in the back? Can we really imagine that?

New journey of Women Moving the Edge

Saturday, April 21st, 2012

Today, Friday afternoon, we started officially our 12th Women Moving the Edge gathering. We are seven women in the circle. The content and level of complexity of all the different conversation threads – already now after preparation and half a day! – makes it hard to write an easy to follow overview. And I am sure that if others would describe their experiences it could look quite different.

The four of us, on the hosting team, came together on Wednesday afternoon. As is our practice, we have been meeting regularly on the phone, and although one of us is new to the team – and even new to the whole Women Moving the Edge experience – it is through these calls and the intimate nature of them that the coming together was quite easy, natural and flowing.

We were gathering in R’s little living room by the fire and started our first sharing. We have come up with quite a long guiding question for our time together; so long that none of us can remember it fully! Here it is:

If land and stones hold the memory

and radiate it out for ages,

do we dare to open as portals,

to remember and co-create with Earth

and sound a new vibration?

Today we wrote it on 6 (!) pieces of paper to have it present in the room.

In another stream of preparation, and linked to two local circles that were organized last weekend, the theme of masculine and feminine came up; and it was very present today too! What to think of the synchronisity of we starting our gathering exact at the same moment while a little marriage ceremony is going on in the next room?

The topic of masculine and feminine slides the conversation easily to the topic of relationship between men and women. Quite easy to get emotions triggered in this field! But we are doing very well in this regard, all seasoned hosts and circle practitioners – and our exchanges haven’t been off the mark – at all! Quite amasing if you compare this with how we struggled in the first gathering, now some years ago!

A few quotes and questions in this regard:

It is time for the feminine to invite the masculine contribution, with life and the 7 generations in the middle.

How does the feminine contribute to the development of the masculine?

When the feminine resists the masculine, the feminine looses the flow.

 

On Thursday morning we had another circle next to the fire and by 11am started our journey to South Devon, to Hazelwood House. The nature surroundings here are just stunning, as the land is kept in a very natural state and I see spring flowers everywhere! One I only know from pictures, and now it is here for real!

In the evening we listened to a channeling directed at us and our gathering. One central image was ‘the slow moving sidewalk’, a metaphor for the inner stillness, the capacity of being present and to be able to be moved in service of the future, sometimes by lightening speed.

Friday morning we gathered again around a fire, which in the beginning wasn’t burning well; it was a little bit too damp. But the transformation of wood to coal, due to a lot of pressure over a long period of time, was another metaphor that made a lot of sense in our context here. The Primal Feminine had a lot of stress and pressure to endure, but over time, maybe eons, it can now be transformed to the Unwounded Feminine. The same process has been happening for the Masculine too: from Primal to Unwounded.

You might wonder, as I do, what this theme of masculine and feminine has to do with our guiding question. As far as I understand it now, before we ‘sound a new vibration’ – as is stated in our question – it is very important that the feminine and masculine energies in ourselves are free of pain and resentment and can be totally open to co-create together, as in the perfect lovemaking.

On Sunday we will drive over to Avebury, another leg of our pelgrimage. We don’t know yet what we are going to do there but some kind of ritual will unfold; as we will ‘remember and co-create with Earth, to sound a new vibration’. What I understand is that our energy work there will have influence on the field of potential, so that other ways of being and living will become possible in the near and far future.

Then, Friday afternoon, our circle completed with the three others, and as we didn’t want to disturb the little wedding ceremony we started outside by walking the land, sitting near the stream, marveling the many flowers, enjoying the old buildings on the land and so much more. We then came inside, sat down on the cushions around our centerpiece. I only made short reference to the principles of circle practice and we started. Almost immediately there was information coming in. I offer it here for others to read too.

 

Your participation is of the utmost importance to the healing of humanity.

You speak of the collective and I implore you to invite in the wounded males to be healed.

It is only with that healing, humanity can move forward to the opening and emergence of the feminine – do you understand?

The masculine leading the path has well served its purpose. Now we are asking you, the women moving the edge, to be clear in your thinking and speaking from your soul’s place.

Do not forget that perfection lies in the coming together of the masculine and feminine like two rivers flowing together in perfect harmony.

The symphonic joy of this integration will be more delightful that you ever imagined.

Please, my spirit women, have the courage to encourage each man you meet to fully embody their feminine side.

They, the men of the world, will be afraid of their vulnerability. They will feel naked in a sea of women in the world. Do you understand?

Such vulnerability is almost like being asked to move a great mountain whose roots are so secure, the task seems impossible –

Be kind in your holding, walk in tenderness.

(sorry no time yet to upload the beautiful pictures – they will come later)