Archive for April, 2009

On food and eating

Monday, April 13th, 2009

When is the food really to nurture myself, to make me able to participate in life fully?

When is eating a habit? “You have to eat for the hunger that will come.” Used to say my parents sometimes.

When is eating a way out of emotional discomfort?

All these questions have been with me these days. It is springtime and that is the normal time for some inner cleaning or fasting.

I have also, many times, realized that eating too much – resulting in overweight of course – is a sign of greed, or at least not being in balance. Why should we eat more than we need? I don’t see most animals or plants do that.

When I eat of emotional discomfort, like yesterday, I wake up at night and my stomach tells me I am/was not in balance. While awake, I took the decision to really sense deep into this pattern. Lying in bed I was totally relaxed but my stomach was not! It felt as if it was somehow hanging in the air and not resting on the mattress. As if it was – fearfully – trying to hold some stability. Which – of course – it was not.

Sensing deeper I realized that yesterday some uncertainty had come up around the piece that I am writing. This resulted in inappropriate eating. My sensing went on… what if I had relaxed in the uncertainty? Then it would have become just a not-knowing. No big deal! I just had to wait a few hours and connection with some friends and there came the answer!

What is living life fully?

Taking the food that is nurturing me, or eating unconsciously?

What makes you come alive?

Saturday, April 11th, 2009

Great quote send by a friend a few dys ago. It is right into the question that I am holding these days.

“Don’t ask what the world needs.
Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.
Because what the world needs
is people who have come alive.”

Howard Thurman, (born 1899 – April 10, 1981) in Daytona Beach, Florida) was an influential American author, philosopher, theologian, educator and civil rights leader.


Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Sounds, flowers, animals, spring…
I am almost overwhelmed…

The bees in the blossoming plum three,
the rooster from the neighbor’s house on the other side of the little valley,
seagulls far away near the shore,
an owl awake at daytime,
crows with their unique sound…

Two young dogs to feed and to take care of,
they are testing my leadership and unconditional love.
A pregnant cat who hides inside all day – mostly sleeping –
and goes out when it is dark.
Waking me up at dawn because she wants to come in and eat.

And flowers, so many!
Showing what spring is like:
the power of showing, of manifesting;
each with its own uniqueness.
My English vocabulary falls short here to describe the fragile colors,
to give you the names of the many wild flowers.

Am I fully participating in life, here?


Monday, April 6th, 2009

My first day of eleven of being on my own. I am in Axladitsa, in a house with no electricity, and when you are outside there is just silence. ‘Officially’ I am here to look after two young dogs and a pregnant cat, but for me it is more like a solo retreat.
Yesterday, on the plane, I was musing over what would be my guiding question for today. The final version is this:
How do I participate fully in Life, in Love – here – with all the dimensions of my being?

Most of the morning I was tending the place. Doing little jobs no one had time for lately, taking care that new trees can’t be ruined by the young dogs etc. A certain moment my question came along: Was I fully participating in Life, in Love, here? I was surely not doing big things! Most of it would go unnoticed by many who would walk by. Still I could answer my own question with a full Yes! I was in a conscious relationship with this place and its many beings and its material stuff. I was taking care of them, loving them in a way.

I know since long this is the way I like to start when being somewhere for a longer time: walk around, seeing the place, do a little tending… that is for me arriving. Simple things, noticing… no complexity…
wrong word…
no complicatedness…
doing simple things and being aware of the relationship between it all, the complexity indeed. These simple things are worthwhile, have value, because they make that the whole, the complexity can flow and go on.

There is a quality in simplicity; there seems to be stillness in it.
The quality of simple beauty.
Fully participating seems to be simple, maybe even in matters of much greater complexity?
The next minimal elegant step.